Tuesday, 31 January 2012

What comes next?!

Is it bizarre that although I am only in my second year of University, I already find myself wanting to make decisions as to what will come next? Perhaps because a lot of my friends are third year students, and I feel the need to accompany their progress. Or maybe it is because of the pressure and expectancy people have that I seem to know what comes next. Well, I don't. Frankly, I haven't the faintest clue where I will be this Summer, let alone a year a half from now.
My best friend is adament that I am going to follow her to another University and invest thousands of pounds on a Masters Degree. The idea has its appeal... Continue the student life, postpone reality and responsbility for another year... But what about the fact that I have no clue what it is I truly want to pursue in the area of theatre as a career? What about the fact that I do not want to invest thousands of pounds on a MA without absolute certainties? I would like to eventually get a MA, yes, but not now! You might think the same is applicable to when I chose my Undergraduate degree, was I don't know what to do with my future, but it isn't.
When I came to University it was the right time. I was clear and sure that what I wanted to study was Drama and Theatre, and I knew that what came afterward would come then. I don't like the idea of making a pressured decision as such. I was 16 when I decided what to study at University, so I had a whole two years before it actually happened, and I was so prepared for this. I am not prepared for this! I am not ready to lay down a contract on a table and sign another year to studying, without knowing for sure, like I did when I was 16, that this is what I am suppose to study. Is that silly? I am nineteen, I have the whole World at my feet. It is my playground! All I really know is that I want to take advantage of that.
My dearest two rowers (best friends too, because they are really funny about me not mentioning this!) have implanted this idea in my head that we are going to go climb Mount Kilimanjaro when I graduate and travel a bit of Africa while we are at it. That sounds amazing. It sounds like what I need, a plan that is... adventurous! Different and unexpected. Something I would eventually do, but never really thought about actually going through with. Hell, as far as I am aware, this summer I am participating in the Summer Rowing Program again, working for Coca Cola (maybe!), working on a cow farm, taking my coaching qualification, moving in with a new group of people, going to Greece with my parents, and quitting my crappy sales advisor job! This is what I need... uncertainty! The freshness of uncertainty is what keeps me going, and this summer's uncertain plans sound like the most beautiful thing in the World. Where as the certainty of going straight into a MA sounds daunting, and honestly, terrifying.
Uncertainty it is I think.

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