What comes next?!

Is it bizarre that although I am only in my second year of University, I already find myself wanting to make decisions as to what will come next? Perhaps because a lot of my friends are third year students, and I feel the need to accompany their progress. Or maybe it is because of the pressure and expectancy people have that I seem to know what comes next. Well, I don't. Frankly, I haven't the faintest clue where I will be this Summer, let alone a year a half from now.
My best friend is adament that I am going to follow her to another University and invest thousands of pounds on a Masters Degree. The idea has its appeal... Continue the student life, postpone reality and responsbility for another year... But what about the fact that I have no clue what it is I truly want to pursue in the area of theatre as a career? What about the fact that I do not want to invest thousands of pounds on a MA without absolute certainties? I would like to eventually get a MA, yes, but not now! You might think the same is applicable to when I chose my Undergraduate degree, was I don't know what to do with my future, but it isn't.
When I came to University it was the right time. I was clear and sure that what I wanted to study was Drama and Theatre, and I knew that what came afterward would come then. I don't like the idea of making a pressured decision as such. I was 16 when I decided what to study at University, so I had a whole two years before it actually happened, and I was so prepared for this. I am not prepared for this! I am not ready to lay down a contract on a table and sign another year to studying, without knowing for sure, like I did when I was 16, that this is what I am suppose to study. Is that silly? I am nineteen, I have the whole World at my feet. It is my playground! All I really know is that I want to take advantage of that.
My dearest two rowers (best friends too, because they are really funny about me not mentioning this!) have implanted this idea in my head that we are going to go climb Mount Kilimanjaro when I graduate and travel a bit of Africa while we are at it. That sounds amazing. It sounds like what I need, a plan that is... adventurous! Different and unexpected. Something I would eventually do, but never really thought about actually going through with. Hell, as far as I am aware, this summer I am participating in the Summer Rowing Program again, working for Coca Cola (maybe!), working on a cow farm, taking my coaching qualification, moving in with a new group of people, going to Greece with my parents, and quitting my crappy sales advisor job! This is what I need... uncertainty! The freshness of uncertainty is what keeps me going, and this summer's uncertain plans sound like the most beautiful thing in the World. Where as the certainty of going straight into a MA sounds daunting, and honestly, terrifying.
Uncertainty it is I think.

BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB

It seems this year is going to be another busy one!
I have just received my tickets for Bombay Bicycle Club in the post, they are a Christmas/Birthday present for my dear friend H (no names mentioned!).

It is going to be awesome! The 28th of April, a week after returning from Salou, off we go to see them in Brixton. Going to be amazing. The only other gig this year I am desperate to do is MUMFORD AND SONS! Someone make them post a tour already.

Gavin DeGraw...

If ever there was someone that I hoped and prayed would come do a tour in the UK is this man! I LOVE HIM. I mean his work is so fantastic, and seeing him live is going to be just amazing. I can't hide my excitement! I think I've listened to him everyday for the last 3 weeks, and the tickets arrived in the post yesterday!

I am incredibly dumbfounded at the fact that I am actually going to see him live. To add to that I am going with 3 very close friends of mine, which will make the evening even better.

There's something about ice cream...

I was sat in my lecture room today, partially asleep, partially focusing and the other part was deep in thought. For some reason, I could not bring myself to seem minimally interested in what was going on around me. Postmodernism might be a fascinating topic, but it is my last class of the week and nothing was going in. Luckily, I managed to blag my way through the topical conversation on what distinguishes Brecht’s Epic Theatre to the Wooster Group’s postmodernist approach to theatre.

Anyway, blah blah blah, what I meant to say is far more important than this! I have been severely upset lately dear readers. That is right... I mean to the point that in my good day, when I was happy and hyper, my Norwegian friend said that I was drunk and claimed that Norwegians associate happiness with drunkenness due to their not being used to happy people. That is just sad, do you not think? Like I said earlier, I have been upset!

Everyone has those moments of depression, that can last however long, from hours to days to weeks; but they never quite know what to do with themselves when it hits them. That’s what has been happening to me. I felt as if the concrete pillars holding my composure upright were beginning to collide, and I was prepared to snap at any moment. I broke in fact, had a few days of total sadness where I detached myself from everyone, and tried to get over my problems on my own. This only to realise that in fact I cannot do that, because I have tried to solve my problems, but now they are in the hands of someone else and all I can do is wait. So what did I decide to do? Phone my equally depressed friends, who were going through the CFD phase (crappy few days!) as well! And invest in a tub of ice cream each!

ICE CREAM! If doctors spend years studying to cure everyone from terminal diseases, they should have an entire module in the psychologically curing properties of ice cream! One whole tub of Haagen-Dazs Cookies and Cream Ice Cream later and I was in heaven! (I’m in heaven... and my heart beats so that I can hardly breathe...) Believe me when I say this, never has a tub of ice cream tasted so good... plus he got it right because Haagen-Dazs is my favourite Ice Cream, none of this Ben and Jerry’s thing.

There really is something about ice cream and good company; it just lifts your mood right up. I ended up forgetting that my University is accusing me of a serious infringement, that my mom is still being tested to see what is wrong with her health, and even that the guy I like took another girl on a date and told me about it. I just sat in bed in pure bliss, letting the wonderful creaminess of the ice cream melt and fill my world with joy. You know they say you see birds when you get hit in the head? I see butterflies and fluffy white clouds when I eat good ice cream!

Eating ice cream when you’re feeling down is like being kissed by the person you hold the dearest. It has some magical component that has a wonderful, inexplicable affect on you. And you go with it! You just sit and enjoy the explosion of wonder in your mouth, and instantly, the bleakest of world seems creamy with colour and brightness! I miss kisses, but for now ice cream will suffice. At least it has put me back in my good moods, although I am currently a little bit ill. Still, a few good things have come my way since I ate my whole tub of ice cream, so I imagine only more good can come of it!

Remember everyone... ice cream is the cure for everything that cannot be cured by doctors or love. Ice cream is there for you. 

I am free... now to finally start the year!

Only now does it feel like 2012. I completed my assignments today, printed them, filled in my submission papers, packed and left my home to return to London. Although I will miss my family very much, London does feel like home. I have a family here, a solid group of friends, a sports team, and it's my own space. Sometimes it feels odd to go back home, and to call home HOME! I wonder if it is because I don't have to step on anyone's toes in my own house. After all, here I am in charge of myself.
Anyway, I got back and went to the Union for a drink and catch up with my friends. But before that, I went to the library to print out a form I had to fill on for finance, and there it was. THE DEADLINE FRENZY! Internet seemed to have crashed in everyone's dorms, so that made it even worse, and every available computer was taken. I ended up spending an hour editing a friend's essay whilst she played with my Facebook account - very mature us University students.
We eventually headed off to the Union, where we found my favourite group of boys! The LC freshers! Spent the rest of the evening with them just catching up and laughing. The beginning of term, and we needed to unwind! It was a fabulous night. I am so glad that I am not caught in the death trap that is the deadline frenzy. My flatmate is currently in the living room typing essays at record speed. Other friends are asking a million questions on Facebook for help. The library is packed with people. And all over Roehampton, and the UK, students are crying and panicking over their deadlines. Yes I am nervous about it, but I know I worked my hardest and put my all into my work, so what can I do now?! I can blog about it. The only thing I want to think about now is my return to Rowing, the awesome night out I am going to have with my friends tomorrow, and starting the term fresh! The only other thing I am thinking about is him, but for now that is not priority. For now, sleep.

Deadline frenzy!

72 Hours until my first deadline. I have written in total 5000 out of 8000 words. This is a great achievement, but I am in that stupid deluded phase now, in which none of my work seems good enough to submit. I am pleased with my Adaptation and script, but I am a tiny bit worried about not specifying which sort of theatre company I would like to perform it. I am also happy with my essay for Riots, Censorship and Offence but I am quibbling over whether I should have focused more on the different demographics of an audience for television and an audience for theatre? When actually, I wanted to focus entirely on the image, be it in television or theatre... which  I did! But was it the right choice?
Everyone I know is going through this apathetic phase, entirely doubting their ability to complete their work in time, to even fulfil the requirements. All this with the added bonus of Refresher week coming up. A week that promises 5 nights in a row of fun times and outings with friends. I am looking forward to it to be honest, this Christmas vacation has been so incredibly exhausting that I am excited at the prospect of sleeping for hours and hours after a good night out dancing, and relishing in the beauty that is the sensation of passing out.
In all honesty I miss London a lot more than what I bargained for, but I miss my mom too. I miss really being with her in full-form, she has been so sick and I feel so frustrated for not being able to look after her for longer . I want her to get better before I leave, but I need to leave Sunday to start classes and submit my work. This deadline frenzy is getting to my head, I cannot focus and I need some release.

4000 words down 4000 to go...

First and foremost... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 2012 is finally here my dear friends, make the most of it, according to the Mayans it is our last... Still, we can expect great things from this year... The European Football Cup, the Olympics, this on the international level. Personally, I am just hoping for good things to come my way and make 2012 a better year than 2011!
Anyway, I am half way through my work-load for January submissions, and I am pretty pleased with it so far. Not going to lie, I thought this was going to be the impossible task, given the last few weeks, but I am hoping and praying that it all turns out for the better. So far the 4000 words I have completed are solid work, so let's see if the next 4000 fulfil the requirements.
The year has been quite positive so far. Despite 2011 ending with Mum in a not so fit state, and my having to be with her at all times (which I don't mind, I am just worried about her!) - she is finally recovering, and can now move on her own a bit more. I got approved for a coaching course, for which I am being fully funded and furthermore... things seem to be turning out positively with my 'creation of opportunities!' Who knew concerts were such a good idea? I am really looking forward to my mother being okay and my return to University. I do miss Roehampton a little bit, but it is that time of the year in which we all kind of wish we didn't go to University, not in Roehampton... not anywhere! Deadlines are a bit of a sore spot for every student, but I am proud to say that I am dealing well with them thus far. Also, I have finally recovered from my broken coccyx, so I can return to ROWING! I am excited! Plus it seems I am keeping up the writing quite well.
So yes, 2012 so far has proven itself a good year. Let's not jinx it, and maintain the positive streak going.